Comfort 4: I Like You

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I grew increasingly tired that I’d initiate all our conversations. But I also apologized for it, unsure if it was annoying him. It was, what, the fourth time now I texted him? If you don’t hit me up yourself by then, you fucking hate me, right? That’s how this works, right? Fuck me, I hate myself. He made a sarcastic comment saying yes, it was annoying having me and 100 other people trying to talk to him constantly, and that I should get a life. I didn’t respond to it. I knew it was a “joke,” but I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be reading underlying irritation. He thought it was funny I didn’t respond in 16 minutes, which annoyed me.

Possibly, he did enjoy my company but didn’t want to put the effort first for…whatever reason. I called him a bovine and asked if he wanted to hang out at Jamba Jizz. He said sure. Those smoothie bowl thingies were inferior to this actual acai bowl place, but hell, it was closer and cheaper.

I found this to be an interesting social first. None of my friends-or-not kept the convo going this long before, chatting for about an hour and a half into the night. Normally me hitting them up, checking in on their school and nonexistent social, love, and sex lives for, like, 5 minutes. Then me repeating this every few weeks or months. And then I try to arrange plans to hang out, they may chip in their two cents, but that shit doesn’t come to fruition.

Normally, I’m trapped at home all day doing homework and I figure if I get picked up from school, it’s generally too last minute to cancel on my parents picking me up right after class. Then I’d feel bad if they drove to pick me up, come find a text saying “I’m getting some frozen yogurt wif my bois lolxd~.” So generally if people are out and about I longingly look at their squad loitering around and getting junk food. Except I don’t want the junk food.

February first, less than two hours later, he virtually waved at me at 12:25 am. I’m like, “What the fuck does that even mean?” and waved back. Facebook is fucking weird. First virtually poking your grandma, now adding a wave. The fuck is a virtual wave? How weird would that be if he did this to me in real life? Past midnight, I’m asleep and he breaks into my bedroom (on the second story) and hovers over my unconscious body, waving at me, waiting for me to wake up and wave back. Okay, I think I’m weird too, but I’m just… creative! That’s it.

In class we sat together and I asked him if he knew what an acai bowl was. He didn’t. Absolutely horrifying. (Go get one, it’s a magical smoothie in a bowl.) The next Sunday, I got my monthly obsession and showed him a glorious picture of my bowl in the morning. He said it looked good, then showed me his leftover pancake from breakfast. I joked his spit was all over it, giving it gallons of extra protein. Since I saw a video of him with his girlfriend, I joked he probably sprays it on her.

He pointed out he’d been single for about a year. After a few seconds of shock, my face grew hot and I grew giddy. I mean, I’ve always thought he was cute and pleasant but I’d cut my mind off from thinking too hard about it, assuming he had a girlfriend. And I don’t fuck with being a shitty slutty cunty person. I only approve of being a slut if everyone you’re fucking is cool with it.

Why was this happening so instantaneously? I looked back, wondering did I actually have feelings for him this whole time? That couldn’t have been…right? I did like his friend at first.. But… what the fuck? No. I’ve been happy for him all this time and jealous he had someone and I didn’t. Except that was all bullshit, he never had anyone, what the fucking dick?

Oh, shit. I like you.

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